年初四
今日去左睇戲 - 在世界中心呼喚愛, 都ok既, 不過日劇d劇情又係比較慢, 場戲睇左兩個幾鐘, 都幾耐呀.. 但係套戲唔係happy ending呀, 睇睇下都有一刻曾經想喊架... 不過最後都只係有少少眼水..
之後去左行廟街, o係廟街買左兩個咕臣套, 買左一套飛行棋, 幾得意架, 真係一隻隻飛機架.. 仲有, 今日收到朋友既情人節朱古力, 多謝晒, 都幾好食呀. ^_^ 行完廟街之後, 準備走既時候, 竟然俾我見到d野喎.... 我地聽到樓上突然間有人鬧人鬧得好大聲, 之後, 有一個應該係女人既物體, 由一度鐵門度衝出o黎, 之後竟然俾我見到追住果個女人既男人好似係無著褲的.... 我即刻就唸到樓上果度一定係"嫁步", ... , 如果o係粉嶺見到咁, 我都未必會咁唸, 但係果度係深水土步, 係廟街, 應該都係架啦~... 唉~~ 新年流流, 見到d咁既野.... 真係該膾...
今晚又打機呢... 嘻~ 不過都唔係打左好耐, 無之前幾日咁多, 只係由10點幾打到11點半左右...
年初三 - 赤口
今日唔使拜年, 但係今日就約左朋友食飯談心呢... 都傾得好開心! ^_^ 我仲o係muji度買左白朱古力士多啤梨添呀, 好好味, 好sweet呀~~~
不過唔知點解, 係女仔唸既野都真係幾相似~ 但係男仔就唔明我地d女仔唸咩野...
朋友, 下次我地再一齊出去行街呀, 好嗎?
返到屋企都10:20pm啦... 啦啦聲睇大長今啦.. 呢套野真係好吸引~ 睇完大長今就打機啦... 今晚打到2:00am.. ^_^ 不過都未夠被呢.... 哈!!
年初二開年
今日老豆果邊既親戚o黎我地屋企, 姑媽佢地一點幾就到左o黎飲茶lu, 不過二嬸就好晏先到.. 學表姐話齋, 都慣架啦. 之後就上左o黎我地屋企打麻雀, 我都係打左一陣咋, 不過已經輸左幾十蚊, 之後就俾我遲來既二嬸打lu.. 之後亞哥又o黎左, 咁我亞爸又讓位lu.. ^_^ 開左部電腦俾表姐個女玩, 我就唯有坐o係度悶下啦.. 亞哥個女朋友無幾耐就o黎左, 又係同亞哥o係成堆人面前搥骨, 真係無得頂~~
夜晚成9個人食飯.. 媽咪煮d餸真係好好食呢.. ^_^..
之後到11點幾, 就打機lu.. 嘻~ 多謝你祝福我呢, 雖然只係幾句既祝福說話, 但係我都覺得好開心架啦! 當然我都有講返幾句回贈啦, 哈哈, 有人讚我"口乖"呢, 一定可以收到好多利是呢.. 好開心~~~
之後成晚都係打機, 打到2點幾呢~~
年初一
今日大年初一, 雞年啦... 咯咯咯咯~~
今日o係屋企食齋飯, 之後去亞麻度拜年, 仲同亞麻傾左好耐計, 佢教我地人生大道理呢, 仲話幾時有孫心抱茶飲呀.. ^_^
不過今日出去拜年既時候, 竟然跌左條頸鍊既鍊咀呀... 都有dd唔開心... 之後就返屋企打麻雀, 都輸左幾十蚊架... 老豆竟然一個贏三個呀, 真係勁呀!
今日都收到幾個sms拜年呢.. 都好開心呀!
除夕..
今日大除夕, 年三十, 都好似唔係好大新年氣氛咁.. 不過算啦, 可能年年都係咁, 之前我唔覺姐..
今日送左d朱古力俾人呢, 又收到一d手信, 係八仙果, 同埋果d螢光星星, 多謝晒. 我已經貼晒上床lu, 新年嘛..
自白
今日全日o係屋企, 因為全無意欲出街.
當我攬住蠢包既時候, 我同佢講, "你可能以後都見唔到另一個蠢包." 我係有唔捨得. 但係唔捨得代表左d咩? 代表我仲鍾意你? 代表我只係唔捨得以前既野? 定係代表我仲活o係自己既回憶中, 跳唔返去現實當中? 我唔想係依靠回憶中既事情, 既唔開心或唔捨得而再重新開始. 係咪應該仲有其他supporting details?
自從分開之後, 我要自己從一切唔開心當中去recover. 因為我知道只有自己先可以令自己開心返. 我唔想我既情緒再咁depend on others. 因為咁樣會令我好辛苦. 到而家, 過左4個月, 我已經好返好多, 可以真係嘗試做到depend on me. 我知道我以前都係太過依賴別人, 我既開心唔開心, 我既日常生活, 我既視野, 甚至我既喜好, 都好似跟著別人去走, 無論係朋友, 係男朋友, 係同事, 係屋企人. 我知道自己欠缺一d自我. 所以我好希望自己可以做到靠自己. 但係到而家, 突然有個"新概念"走左入o黎, 你話你想重新o黎過. 老實講, 我接受唔切一d咁突然既野. 我真係"轉數"唔夠快, 我o黎唔切反應. 呢d都係我作唔到決定既其中一個原因.
從前, 男朋友話俾我聽, 佢唔想估我鍾意d咩, 想一切都直接點, 唔好轉彎末角, 咁我就開始嘗試直接表達我既感受, 但係我感覺唔到支持. 每次o係我表達左我既感覺既同時, 你竟然係隱瞞緊你既感覺. 你係清楚知道我唔開心, 但係你話你唔知, 你係知道我因咩事唔開心, 但係你話唔知. 點解你唔可以坦坦白白? 唔通我地o黎到呢個時候你仲要對我迴避你既感覺? 就算到今時今日, 你仲係要咁樣. 我仲可以講d咩.
我禽日唱k既時候, 唱左首Greatest Love of All, 唱緊既時候, 我有一個moment係想喊的. 因為我覺得d歌詞好清楚形容我既心境, 唔知你有無留意到. 我好俾心機唱呢首. "Everybody searching for a hero. People need someone to look up to. I never found anyone to fulfill my needs. A lonely place to be. So I learned to depend on me." "I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows. If I fail, if I succeed. At least I live as I believe. No matter what they take from me. They can't take away my dignity. Because the greatest love of all. Is happening to me. I found the greatest love of all. Inside of me. The greatest love of all. Is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself. It is the greatest love of all." "And if by chance, that special place. That you've been dreaming of. Leads you to a lonely place. Find your strength in love."
我既思想係好亂好亂. 我整理唔切. 我都好唔鍾意自己竟然理唔掂自己既野.
我講過, 我係理解你既痛苦, 你既唔開心. 但係我怕呢d一切一切, o係重新再o黎過之後, 一樣係會重覆重覆一次又一次咁發生, 之後又再令到大家都唔開心, 之後大家又再頂唔順, 又再一次分開. 我真係無信心.
你講得岩. 呢d係gambling, gamble既注碼係life. 你話the best way to get information is to do it, 咁我就試一試去do it, 我都好想做決定之前係get多d information. 但係當我出左o黎見面既時候, 我又再一次答唔出既時候, 你問我做咩出o黎, 點解今次會同你出o黎. 你叫我點答? 呢d全部都係你自己講過既說話. 可能你唔記得左啦. 我唔係想怪你d咩野, 但係有d野我真係面對面係講唔出口的. 我希望你諒解. 我亦唔會只係單單因為幾件事而去做決定. 但係... 如果... 你覺得我係無了期拖住你既話, 我只可以講句對唔住.
